so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
