I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
