There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
