So drunk its hurt
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
