god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
