tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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