It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
