She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
