I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
