I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
