Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I supernannyed him into submission
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
