Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
