Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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