Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
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IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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