Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
