after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
