I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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