chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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