Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
