Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
