I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
