Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize