I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
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I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
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Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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