If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
