FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
