You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
