so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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