so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
