I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
