Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
