We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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