seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
