Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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