Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
