Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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