I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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