can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
