I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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