You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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