we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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