maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
