great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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