Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
