Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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