how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
