The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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