Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm at about main and main street
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
