Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
