my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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