my phone needs a breathalizer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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