Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
