By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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