I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
