I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
