this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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