a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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