My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
