my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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