I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
