This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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