Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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