wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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