my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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