My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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