at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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