Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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