two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
