My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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