I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
