yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
