who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
