So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
