I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
