Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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