I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If that was your dad, he is hot
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
